Vacation, depression, life.

I was on vacation for the first two weeks of May. I took my daughter to Southern California to visit my aunts and cousins and give Dad some time to rest from being a SAHD and working nights. He is beyond exhausted, he's falling apart to be honest. I don't know how he does it.

My aunts are in their mid 60's and the oldest is actually 75, but they still argue like they are 13! It made for a very stressful couple of weeks at times, but it was so good to see my aunt Lucia and cousin Rob, they are like a mom and a brother to me. Robert has been married for about a year and a half to a wonderful woman, Kristi, and they are working very hard to get ahead. They also have the most adorable chihuahua in the world, Pedro, who is a rescue dog and has the sweetest temperament. Lucia liked him very much.

Here she is with Tia Lucia and Pedro:
If they decide to have kids, I know Rob will be wonderful with them. He's funny and patient and also firm. Here he is feeding the ducks and geese with little Lu:

I got to see my sister and her baby daughter who came down from Vancouver. That was really good. We only went to the beach twice even though we had planned to go every day, but when you're trying to coordinate schedules with multiple people and you have two small kids with you, nothing is ever how you plan it! It was great to have both our daughters together, we gave them baths together and it was so wonderful to see them together that we hope to see each other at least once a year, no matter how hard it is to find the time and money to do it. My sister is working on her PhD which is code for: she's stinking poor.

One the best things about the trip was to see how much Spanish Lucia picked up. I am doing my best to keep it up now that we are home, but I always slip back into English, i am not sure why. But to her it's all the same, she understands and says things in both languages. Makes me very happy.

Here she is talking to Daddy on the phone. We had to call him many times because she missed him so very much. They spend every day together and he's lots of fun, so I understand why it was so hard for her to be away from him:

Now that we are back home she has asked for "Tia" several times, as well as "Hoda" (my sister Manola) and "Mona" (baby Ramona), as well as the dogs. I have to print out pictures of them all to have around the house for her to see.

I was eager to get back home, among other things, because I was going to get the results of my test for ADD. The verdict is no, I don't have it, but my depression is so severe it mimics symptoms like inability to focus, to remember, to get organized, etc. So today I saw my psychiatrist and he upped my Prozac. We will also look at therapy, but not what I call "touchy feely" therapy, rather a more practical kind called Cognitive Behavioral therapy which focuses on the here and now. I hope it works, being depressed is tiring. And that will be an entirely different post!

The holidays in pictures

I didn't want to end this fabulous year (note the sarcasm) without sharing some of our best holiday moments. Sadly, I am not anywhere near my camera so all I have for you is cell phone pictures. I don't appear in the pictures. I am fat and avoid cameras (I'm sure there's a whole post or series of them there) but I promise to wax my lip and eyebrows and trim my bangs and take a couple of shots for you... soon... before the year is out.

This pretty little lady refuses to wear her mittens at all so this is the only proof I have that she does have a pair and that I do try to keep her warm. The hat is actually too small for her head so cousin Ramona will inherit that. See that cute little smile? She's looking at a group of homeless persons that were gathered at that corner smoking some fine tobacco... One of the saddest things about San Francisco is the amount of homeless people that live here and how many of them are families with children. Of course that's yet another story for another time.

This picture is a small sample of a new habit my precious little lady has developed: as soon as she sees a camera she becomes very serious or looks the other way or will not sit still. On purpose. To drive me insane. More than I already am, which if you ask those who know me seems like an impossibility, and yet...

This is Big T, all dressed up on Xmas Day. We did not celebrate but did treat ourselves to some delicious food at Miller's East Coast, West Coast Deli on Polk Street. We had asked our good friend Anya to come with us but she says *cough* that her phone was on silent *cough* so we took this picture and sent it to her. We didn't hear back from her until maybe two or three hours later, after I had already succumbed to all sorts of hysterical thoughts about her and her s.o. being dead in their apartment or something, so much so that we even drove there but had no way to call up and so we instead took Lu to the park.

And this very crappy picture is all I could manage to take with my cell phone yesterday at the War Memorial Opera House were we went to see the Nutcracker ballet, courtesy of auntie Anya. Unfortunaltely auntie didn't know that 2 year olds don't really know how to sit still and can't last the whole performance without melting into a puddle of whiiiiine. But it was wonderful and memorable and I am so grateful to my friend for beign so sweet. I am so happy that Lu has such a wonderful auntie. So, I leave you with a semi-smiling Anya:

Happy Chanukah auntie Anya!

Today I am 37

I am not exactly where I would like to be at 37, and if you had asked me yesterday or the day before I would have said that things are always going to be awful for me. But today I feel different, I know that things will get better and that I will go to law school and Lu and I will have a good life. I just know it, not in my gut, but in my heart because I will do everything I can to accomplish that.

My mom called me from Chile and my sister from Vancouver. My dad emailed me and invited me to go home in December. That's more than enough for me, I don't need a big celebration, just to know my family is there for me is the best gift!

That's all for today.

I love the gays

Several people from my office, including myself, went to San Francisco City Hall to see our friends Mali and Elizabeth get married again. The first time was 4 years ago and they had no time to plan for anything (and I didn't know them yet so I wasn't there that time around.) This time they had a week to choose flowers, a lovely cake, and send out an evite. It was a beautiful ceremony, short but everything was just right. Elizabeth's mother flew in for the ceremony, she read from the court decision and wished the couple well, it was very moving.

Big T was able to pick up Little Lu from daycare with enough time to see the end of the ceremony. Mali is Persian so while two people held a shawl over their heads, friends and family took turns rubbing two sugar cones together and wishing them a sweet life together.

I am so honored to have been there and that my daughter was there. She doesn't know it yet, but she was present at an incredibly important time in our history. Acceptance takes a while and this is just a small step in that direction. [I will post pictures of the whole event tonight. Done.] Yay San Francisco! Yay love! Yay marriage for all!

Excuse our lack of updating

We've been sick. All three of us. The House of Mofo is just a petri dish at this point. Little Lu had a fever starting last Friday and until Monday. She was miserable and cranky. So was I. I had not been feeling 100 % for at least a couple of weeks but it seems Lu brought home some nasty bug from daycare which attacked me Friday but really kicked me in the gut yesterday. I will only say that water came out of both ends. TMI? I could go on and on, trust me! Big T has been coughing like an old dog too. Lu doesn't have a fever but her nose is leaking snot like there's no tomorrow and she's coughing like her daddy. It is all very lovely. I do have posts cooking for your reading delight but I'll need a day or two to get them just right. Also I need to go to work so they won't fire me. Ya, that'd be good...

¡Bienvenida al mundo, Ramona!

I don't care how late it is, I cannot go to bed without sharing my happiness and excitement with the world:



ETA: I changed the picture for this one, you can see her face better here.

This is my brand new, and only, niece Ramona Oltra Valle born June 4, 2008 at 2 AM in Vancouver, B.C., Canada. My sister is a mom! My daughter has a cousin. This was a baby we were trully looking forward to meeting and a real gift to my sister and her partner, who was absolutely wonderful and helped her get through some pretty tough labor pains even as he was exhausted himself. They are all home now. She is healthy and so far has taken to breastfeeding quite easily according to my sister. Ramona was 49 centimeters long, weighed 3,195 kilograms, and has a headful of hair as do all babies in our family. My sister is an amazing woman, she has the energy of ten lumberjacks and had planned to attend an Iron Maiden concert on the day she gave birth!

I never ever imagined the day when we would both be moms. Felicidades, hermanita, eres una mama maravillosa desde ya. Te amamos. Y a Ramona tambien.