Vacation, depression, life.

I was on vacation for the first two weeks of May. I took my daughter to Southern California to visit my aunts and cousins and give Dad some time to rest from being a SAHD and working nights. He is beyond exhausted, he's falling apart to be honest. I don't know how he does it.

My aunts are in their mid 60's and the oldest is actually 75, but they still argue like they are 13! It made for a very stressful couple of weeks at times, but it was so good to see my aunt Lucia and cousin Rob, they are like a mom and a brother to me. Robert has been married for about a year and a half to a wonderful woman, Kristi, and they are working very hard to get ahead. They also have the most adorable chihuahua in the world, Pedro, who is a rescue dog and has the sweetest temperament. Lucia liked him very much.

Here she is with Tia Lucia and Pedro:
If they decide to have kids, I know Rob will be wonderful with them. He's funny and patient and also firm. Here he is feeding the ducks and geese with little Lu:

I got to see my sister and her baby daughter who came down from Vancouver. That was really good. We only went to the beach twice even though we had planned to go every day, but when you're trying to coordinate schedules with multiple people and you have two small kids with you, nothing is ever how you plan it! It was great to have both our daughters together, we gave them baths together and it was so wonderful to see them together that we hope to see each other at least once a year, no matter how hard it is to find the time and money to do it. My sister is working on her PhD which is code for: she's stinking poor.

One the best things about the trip was to see how much Spanish Lucia picked up. I am doing my best to keep it up now that we are home, but I always slip back into English, i am not sure why. But to her it's all the same, she understands and says things in both languages. Makes me very happy.

Here she is talking to Daddy on the phone. We had to call him many times because she missed him so very much. They spend every day together and he's lots of fun, so I understand why it was so hard for her to be away from him:

Now that we are back home she has asked for "Tia" several times, as well as "Hoda" (my sister Manola) and "Mona" (baby Ramona), as well as the dogs. I have to print out pictures of them all to have around the house for her to see.

I was eager to get back home, among other things, because I was going to get the results of my test for ADD. The verdict is no, I don't have it, but my depression is so severe it mimics symptoms like inability to focus, to remember, to get organized, etc. So today I saw my psychiatrist and he upped my Prozac. We will also look at therapy, but not what I call "touchy feely" therapy, rather a more practical kind called Cognitive Behavioral therapy which focuses on the here and now. I hope it works, being depressed is tiring. And that will be an entirely different post!

H&M Canada discriminates against nursing moms

My mom, my sister, and baby Ramona.

Last Saturday, August 2nd, my sister and her husband went shopping for clothes for him and obviously took their 2 month old daughter with them. When my sister attempted to breastfeed the baby, this is what happened, as told by her on email:

"Despite all the medical evidence that encourages breastfeeding, it seems that women continue to be socially punished and made to feel ashamed when they do it publicly. Today, I was shopping with my husband and our 2 month old baby at H&M stores at the Pacific Centre Mall. When he went into the fitting rooms my baby started crying, so I naturally proceeded to breastfeed her. After a couple minutes, though, I was approached by one of the store clerks who told me that unfortunately, I could not breastfeed there unless I went into a special fitting room to do it in private. When I asked why, she said it was the store policy because what I was doing offended other costumers and that there were also children around (sorry H&M, my bad: I was not aware that the sight of a breastfeeding mother could be harmful to a child.) She even said that this is the protocol they are taught to follow during their training. At that point, two other employees came to escort me to the fitting rooms as if I was a dangerous criminal. I was offered to speak to the manager, a very kind man called Guru, who explained to me again that it was the store policy, because breastfeeding in public was offensive to some costumers, and also that they were offering me a much more comfortable space to do it. But of course, they were not "offering" anything, they were forcing me to do it in seclusion or I could not do it at all. So I told them I would publicly campaign against their policy because it is wrong and discriminatory: it punished me for breastfeeding by putting me in seclusion and thus confirmed the idea that public breastfeeding is offensive and shameful.

Please let's not this allow to happen to other breastfeeding moms.

Manuela Valle - PhD Student,
Graduate Programme in Women's and Gender Studies
University of British Columbia, Canada."


BUT, as my sister told me, "they fucked with the wrong Mexican!" [just an expression, we are actually Chilean.] My sister is a feminist in the true sense of the word. She is a psychologist, has two masters degrees and is currently working on her PhD in Women's and Gender Studies. Ooops! This is a woman with strong opinions who can stand up to bullying and is willing to do it. Which is not to say that you deserve to be treated better or differently because you have such an extensive education. Not at all. Every single woman, whether she's a mother or not, whether she has had access to education or not, deserves to be treated with the same amount of respect as any other human being. It's just that not everyone is willing to say: "hey, you are not treating me well, what the fuck?!" But not my sister. She has always been like this, always standing up for what is right, fair, and just. It's just the way we were brought up to be by our parents, especially our mom. I wish I had half the guts my sister has. Like when she decided the right thing to do was to be a vegetarian, even when the whole family mocked her at every opportunity, and when we lived in a country were "vegetarian" means "chicken sandwich" because, you know, it's not read meat. Or when she spearheaded the animal rights movement in our country too. But I digress.

She had the store employees find her husband and when she told him what happened he pretty much lost it and decided he wasn't going to do any business with H&M, now or ever. Then my sister emailed all her friends and family to let us all know about it. Since I work in the area of employment law, albeit in the U.S., I just knew that this "store policy" could not be in compliance with the law. And it isn't. According to the British Columbia Human Rights Commission what H&M did to my sister when they escorted her to a fitting room to breastfeed her baby is sex discrimination. You can read the text of the policy in its entirety here. The part that applies to this situation is this:

"(7) Entities that provide public services/facilities customarily available to the public also have a duty to accommodate lactating women.

(8) For those women who wish to breastfeed / express milk in public accommodation includes:

· allowing mothers to breastfeed / express milk on public benches such as may be found in shopping malls, museums, hospitals, public parks, restaurants, etc.;

· allowing mothers to breastfeed their babies while walking in stores, etc.; and

· allowing mothers to breastfeed / express milk in the regular passenger areas on ferries or buses."


So, if you are as outraged about this as I hope you are, please let H&M know by going here and spread the word far and wide. H&M has got to change their policy, not only is it unfair, it is also illegal.

**UPDATE** Manuela has been interviewed by t.v., radio, and newspapers and there will be a "nurse-in" protest today. Here are the links to the news stories :

http://vancouver.24hrs.ca/News/2008/08/06/pf-6360301.html

http://www.cbc.ca/health/story/2008/08/05/bc-breastfeeding-protest-h-m-vancouver.html

http://www.metronews.ca/vancouver/local/article/94417

Didn't I tell you they were messing with the wrong person?!? I am so proud of my sister!

¡Bienvenida al mundo, Ramona!

I don't care how late it is, I cannot go to bed without sharing my happiness and excitement with the world:



ETA: I changed the picture for this one, you can see her face better here.

This is my brand new, and only, niece Ramona Oltra Valle born June 4, 2008 at 2 AM in Vancouver, B.C., Canada. My sister is a mom! My daughter has a cousin. This was a baby we were trully looking forward to meeting and a real gift to my sister and her partner, who was absolutely wonderful and helped her get through some pretty tough labor pains even as he was exhausted himself. They are all home now. She is healthy and so far has taken to breastfeeding quite easily according to my sister. Ramona was 49 centimeters long, weighed 3,195 kilograms, and has a headful of hair as do all babies in our family. My sister is an amazing woman, she has the energy of ten lumberjacks and had planned to attend an Iron Maiden concert on the day she gave birth!

I never ever imagined the day when we would both be moms. Felicidades, hermanita, eres una mama maravillosa desde ya. Te amamos. Y a Ramona tambien.