jueves, 30 de octubre de 2008

Living inside my head

I have been gone for so long that a few people have asked me if I "abandoned" my blog. Yes. And no. I did stop writing for a little while because I did not want to be one of those people who is always complaining about their miserably little lives. Don't get me wrong, I know that many writers (yes, blogging is writing!) do very well processing their feelings about their situations in public (online) and actually get immense support from the web. I am simply not one of them. I get tired of the sound of my own voice because it is always there with me; I don't know how to stop thinking, obsessing about stuff, and for many years I couldn't even go to sleep because my mind was still "on." I still suffer from this attack of the "thought tsunami" at night but since my daughter was born I can pretty much fall asleep anywhere. Almost, anyway. The stuff I obsess about is typical: work, unpaid bills, not having money, am I a good mom?, I don't feel like a good mom, I am so fat!, but I really do love chocolate, will I get into law school?, will I be able to pull it off if I do?, and so on and so forth. It is absolutely exhausting and very stressful. And I hate it. I over-think everything and end up doing nothing.

Sometimes, when I couldn't fall asleep, I made up entire posts I thought were brilliant but I didn't actually write them down. I wish I had but the truth is I am my worst critic when I should be cheering myself on. So Sarah, of http://sarahandthegoonsquad.com/ suggested I post my tweets. I thought about it and it is a perfect way to bring you up to date. These are the things I have been thingking/worried/talking about. This is a perfect snapshot of the past two and a half months. I hope you enjoy them:

ListenUpMofos So my cat Louie decided to pee on my bed this morning. Now I have to throw away my Cal King mattress and sleep on the floor. Wonderful!

Lots and lots of work to do, but of course I have to Twitter first, you know, because I have my priorities straight. Happy Friday Mofos!

Surprisingly, I'm not loving this Sunday at the office.

I am not a citizen of this here country, just a green card holder. I can't vote. Will one of you please vote for Obama on my behalf? Thanks!

and by "just a green card holder" I mean I work hard, pay my taxes and never break the law

But when Obama wins, I'll become a US citizen. I just could not stomach the thought under W. He ruined this country and the world.

Never take Lorazepam on an empty stomach unless you have time to sleep it off. Severely drugged at work = FAIL. That's me right now.

I can't believe how bad things are at work right now. Everything is urgent and needs to be done right now. Not working for me at all.

McCain/Palin cannot win in November. Please! I am begging you, do not vote for them! I wish I could vote...

Dear daughter of mine: WTF??? You go to sleep after 11 PM and wake up at 6 AM? I am exhausted and you are full of energy? Again, WTF???

Hi. It's Monday, I am tired and work until 8 PM tonight. Yay. Also, literally have NO money until Friday. Scary thought for a mom.

I have all but abandoned my blog. But I have high hopes for myself, I can do it. I just need a 36 hour day, 24 hours just isn't cutting it!

I am freaking the fuck out!!! Flying to So. California tomorrow at noon and haven't packed. Me alone with toddler on plane = horror movie!

Reason everyone loves So cal: the heat. Reason I'll never move to So Cal: the heat. And my family. But moslty the heat.

My aunt was so proud that my daughter was happy sitting on her lap. She was actually peeing on her!

Feeling pretty sorry for myself and my family. Trying to snap out of it.

My friend used to be a self defined "bisexual lesbian", now she is a Born Again Christian. VERY DEPRESSING. Still love her though.

Just got yelled at by my boss because of screaming kids, NOT MINE, mind you, a client's. WTF??? YOU tell them to shut up.

So I tell my mom it's the Jewish New Year and she says "Happy Hanukkah!" Oy!

Tough choice: make the car payment or pay the sitter. Where's MY bailout, people!?!

Living inside my head.

Woke up at 4 AM to baby covered in diarrhea. Got up, washed her, soothed her, gave her a bottle, went back to sleep. Yawn...

Hello! Baby no longer has diarrhea. I know you were wondering so now you know. No need to thank me :)

I hope that wasn't too boring. I signed up for National Blog Posting Month for November as a personal challenge. I know I can do it, question is will I.

2 comentarios:

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah dijo...

See? I loved it. I think it explains the absence without being depressing or boring.

I am glad you are back!

Listen Up, MoFos! dijo...

Aaaw! Thanks! And i feel so great. I missed writing, now I just have to keep it going :)

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