Living inside my head

I have been gone for so long that a few people have asked me if I "abandoned" my blog. Yes. And no. I did stop writing for a little while because I did not want to be one of those people who is always complaining about their miserably little lives. Don't get me wrong, I know that many writers (yes, blogging is writing!) do very well processing their feelings about their situations in public (online) and actually get immense support from the web. I am simply not one of them. I get tired of the sound of my own voice because it is always there with me; I don't know how to stop thinking, obsessing about stuff, and for many years I couldn't even go to sleep because my mind was still "on." I still suffer from this attack of the "thought tsunami" at night but since my daughter was born I can pretty much fall asleep anywhere. Almost, anyway. The stuff I obsess about is typical: work, unpaid bills, not having money, am I a good mom?, I don't feel like a good mom, I am so fat!, but I really do love chocolate, will I get into law school?, will I be able to pull it off if I do?, and so on and so forth. It is absolutely exhausting and very stressful. And I hate it. I over-think everything and end up doing nothing.

Sometimes, when I couldn't fall asleep, I made up entire posts I thought were brilliant but I didn't actually write them down. I wish I had but the truth is I am my worst critic when I should be cheering myself on. So Sarah, of http://sarahandthegoonsquad.com/ suggested I post my tweets. I thought about it and it is a perfect way to bring you up to date. These are the things I have been thingking/worried/talking about. This is a perfect snapshot of the past two and a half months. I hope you enjoy them:

ListenUpMofos So my cat Louie decided to pee on my bed this morning. Now I have to throw away my Cal King mattress and sleep on the floor. Wonderful! 10:56 AM Aug 15th

Lots and lots of work to do, but of course I have to Twitter first, you know, because I have my priorities straight. Happy Friday Mofos! 9:30 AM Aug 22nd

Surprisingly, I'm not loving this Sunday at the office. 1:01 PM Aug 24th

I am not a citizen of this here country, just a green card holder. I can't vote. Will one of you please vote for Obama on my behalf? Thanks! 7:50 PM Aug 27th

and by "just a green card holder" I mean I work hard, pay my taxes and never break the law 7:51 PM Aug 27th

But when Obama wins, I'll become a US citizen. I just could not stomach the thought under W. He ruined this country and the world. 7:55 PM Aug 27th

Never take Lorazepam on an empty stomach unless you have time to sleep it off. Severely drugged at work = FAIL. That's me right now. 3:55 PM Aug 28th

I can't believe how bad things are at work right now. Everything is urgent and needs to be done right now. Not working for me at all. 11:26 AM Sep 2nd

McCain/Palin cannot win in November. Please! I am begging you, do not vote for them! I wish I could vote... 12:44 PM Sep 4th

Dear daughter of mine: WTF??? You go to sleep after 11 PM and wake up at 6 AM? I am exhausted and you are full of energy? Again, WTF??? 9:13 AM Sep 7th

Hi. It's Monday, I am tired and work until 8 PM tonight. Yay. Also, literally have NO money until Friday. Scary thought for a mom. 12:20 PM Sep 8th

I have all but abandoned my blog. But I have high hopes for myself, I can do it. I just need a 36 hour day, 24 hours just isn't cutting it! 1:22 PM Sep 8th

I am freaking the fuck out!!! Flying to So. California tomorrow at noon and haven't packed. Me alone with toddler on plane = horror movie! 5:51 PM Sep 12th

Reason everyone loves So cal: the heat. Reason I'll never move to So Cal: the heat. And my family. But moslty the heat. 8:47 PM Sep 15th

My aunt was so proud that my daughter was happy sitting on her lap. She was actually peeing on her! 10:04 AM Sep 16th

Feeling pretty sorry for myself and my family. Trying to snap out of it. 11:30 AM Sep 23rd

My friend used to be a self defined "bisexual lesbian", now she is a Born Again Christian. VERY DEPRESSING. Still love her though. 4:00 PM Sep 23rd

Just got yelled at by my boss because of screaming kids, NOT MINE, mind you, a client's. WTF??? YOU tell them to shut up. 7:35 PM Sep 29th

So I tell my mom it's the Jewish New Year and she says "Happy Hanukkah!" Oy! 3:02 PM Sep 30th

Tough choice: make the car payment or pay the sitter. Where's MY bailout, people!?! 4:24 PM Oct 17th

Living inside my head. 10:14 AM Oct 23rd

Woke up at 4 AM to baby covered in diarrhea. Got up, washed her, soothed her, gave her a bottle, went back to sleep. Yawn... 11:33 AM Oct 24th

Hello! Baby no longer has diarrhea. I know you were wondering so now you know. No need to thank me :) 10:08 AM Oct 28th

I hope that wasn't too boring. I signed up for National Blog Posting Month for November as a personal challenge. I know I can do it, question is will I.