Gripe, gripe, gripe

So gas prices have steadily gone up for the past month or so. I think this progression is better appreciated through pictures:



This was at the beginning of March. Granted, this is one of the most expensive gas stations around because it sits right at the bottom of an off-ramp so it gets most of its business from desperate people who are running out of gas and have no choice but to go there. And from really rich people who don't even look at the sign, right? It's across the street from Hotel Utah at Fourth and Bryant.


Just a few days later, they were at $4.11. I unfortunately missed my chance to take a picture of the $4.19 gas, which was considered so high that this very gas station was featured in the local news.


That was probably a couple of weeks ago, sometime in mid-April. These days it's all the way up to $4.29. And most other stations I've seen are at $3.99.






So, "why don't you take public transit?", you say. "Or ride your bike?" "Or walk to work? San Francisco is not that big a city."

To which I say: bite me. Muni takes so long and is so unreliable that it takes the same amount of time to go from where I live to where I work as it takes to cross the freaking Bay Bridge. That is just not right people! I have tried to ride my bike and I am just too scared of drivers here, you wouldn't believe how aggressive they are and how running red lights is pretty much the norm for everyone. In a perfect world I would walk. I am quite overweight and dearly need the exercise. Unfortunately it doesn't work with our current domestic circumstances. Trust me. This situation is so frustrating I wish I were a drinker. I'm sure a nice round of tequila shots would help me see the humor in all of this (but only if it is Herradura.)

Alas, I'll just have to make do with the lorazepam...

Insult to injury: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2008/05/02/financial/f054757D63.DTL&tsp=1

Not for the family

If you are a member of my family, you probably don't want to read this blog. I'm just saying... but if you do, just know that things are OK and I am just venting. It's like a diary only anyone can read it.

Knocked Up - not me - the movie

I just finished watching this movie, it took 5 different viewings because there just isn't enough time to sit in front of the TV for two hours straight when you have a little one. The movie was SO funny and so very sweet. I laughed a lot and then I cried at the end because it reminded me of when my daughter was born. It was the happiest, most terrifying moment of my life! I felt that I could never adequately protect her from the evil in the world. But she was my little baby and I loved her with all my being from day one. My sister is expecting her first baby, also a girl, in mid June. I can't wait to meet my little niece - but mostly, I can't wait to see my sister being a mom. It's going to be great!

Here she is:

What a downer! And funny newslinks

Wow, my post yesterday was very depressing. Sorry people, I feel much better today. I brought my daughter in to work this morning because people are always wanting to see her. She was a hit! She said hi to everyone and played with a big green ball and was very sad when she had to leave. So was I. I wish I could spend more time with her. Anyhow, all is well for now.

Also, I got a good laught out of the following stories on sfgate today:

Expensive Santa Cruz Mountains search finds stoned teen
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2008/04/30/state/n052821D91.DTL

People of Lesbos take gay group to court over term 'Lesbian'
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2008/04/30/international/i072245D32.DTL

And my very favorite since I am from Chile:
Chilean town giving free Viagra to senior citizens
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2008/04/30/international/i112912D36.DTL&tsp=1

Poop is my favorite thing to say, just ask my friend L

So I have been thinking about all these great posts I'd be writing, and how clever they would be, and how maybe people would actually read what I had to say. But then I just couldn't bring myself to write anything. I started several drafts which I promptly deleted. I even deleted the first three posts I ever made on this blog. I just haven't been feeling up to much these days, although the fluoxetine helps me enough that I can get up in the morning and go through the motions. I get up with my daughter, change her, dress her, turn on PBS Kids and park her in front of the boob-tube while I make her oatmeal with raisins and my extra strong cup of coffee. Then I have to place each raisin on top of a little mound of oatmeal and trick her into eating it. When left alone, she will only eat the raisins. Then the day really starts and I have to go to work and pretend to do something on my computer other than reading other people's blogs. But its getting harder and harder. The doctor I saw today gave me a refill for fluoxetine and added lorazepam to the mix because I have been so anxious lately. And it isn't that I am no happy. I am. I adore my daughter, I could just munch on her cheeks all day if she let me. And my husband has been doing better. But we are still so broke that I have to pick and choose which bills to pay each month and just pretend that all those other bills are not there. And I hate being a slave to money, worrying about money, needing money, wanting it, and not having it. Crap. This IS depressing!

The doctor also said I need talk therapy because it would help me since I am "good at talking" and referred me to a clinic that does sliding scale. So I look forward to that. I know it's helpful, I just really dread having to talk about feelings and things. It's such a task, such a chore, and I am such a good little patient that I will talk and talk until I am dry inside. No more to say. No energy to say anything more. But I will call and go in because my daughter deserves a happier mom, not just a go through the motions mom. I told the doctor I felt like I wasn't living my life but watching it happen, from the outside looking in. It is not a pretty feeling.

That is all for now. I hope to post my opinion on the last book I read soon. Stay tuned.