THANK YOU ICLW!!!

I really should have been better prepared to welcome those of you coming to visit from ICLW. Also, I should have been leaving comments. I am so sorry! It just has been a very hard week at the House of Mofo and I truly couldn't find the peace of mind to do either. I have from today until Monday to make up for my lame assedness. But all of you who came and commented and told me to hang in there and that everything would get better, THANK YOU SO MUCH! It's amazing how the kindness of strangers (who will hopefully become cyber-friends) can do so much to boost one's spirits! And your own personal stories are just incredibly inspiring, full of courage and generosity. One of the best things about ICLW is to get to read blogs that are different from mine and those I usually read, to get perspective on the things in life that are keeping me down. So I wanted to give you all a little shout out here:

LisaS from Letters in My Soup, who has a fuzzy finned betta.

Star who didn't leave a way to get in touch with her.

Kate from Kicking You From the Inside who really, really loves baseball.

Shawna from His Eyes and My Nose, who is worrying very much right now and can use some encouraging words :)

Kymberli from I'm A Smart One who is not only smart, she's beautifull inside and out.

Michelle from Mommy Confessions who has the best tag line EVER!

Suzanne from That Cool Broad a truly cool, and very sweet, broad.

The lovely woman behind Stop the train, I Wanna Get Off whose starts have aligned.

Katie, the British lady at The View Fron the Hill, up which she often climbs.

Michelle, the coffee drinking mom at Gotcha, Baby!

And Carrie at Letting It Out! who is carrying twins due in just two months!!! **Now with correct link**

To all of you a huge THANKS for coming and don't be strangers please, I promise to be a better host! And if you haven't signed up for International Comment Leaving Week, do so for next month here.

The Woe Is Me Post

I haven't posted in nearly one month. I have tried but could not come up with anything I felt okay to post. My mind has been occupied with thoughts of survival. And nobody really wants to hear how bad things are for somebody else, they probably think "I have my own problems to deal with" and I can't really blame them. But then there's reality. And it is this: our money situation is unsustainable. Big T can only work 12 to 16 hours a week, he has to take care of Lu the rest of the time and he can only make so much an hour because of work experience, skills, etc. "Etc." in this scenario being he is too [insert word here] to even apply for other jobs. He is too scared, or too jaded, or afraid he couldn't do the job if he gets it, or something that I can't understand, but he just won't go for it and it has driven us into a ditch. Our bank account is constantly overdrawn, our bills are constantly late or go unpaid, and as of today we cannot come up with the $665 to pay for daycare for Lu in August, which would mean losing her spot. It is truly stressful to say the least.

The one thing in life that is truly free is dreaming. So if I could have anything it would be this: we make enough money to send Lu to daycare. We pay our bills on time. We can even afford to live in a two bedroom apartment! If our cats get sick, we can take them to the vet without fear of depleting whatever money is there. We can actually save money, no living paycheck to paycheck. We could afford to buy a bike trailer and wheels for my bicycle so we can ditch our car. We could visit my family (whether in Vancouver, Orange County, Miami, or Chile.) We would not have to file for bankruptcy. I could go to law school. Big T could go to EMT school. I would have a second baby before I turn 40.

We don't have cable and I am fine with that, Netflix is way cheaper. We do need cell phones. We could try to sell our car but we just got it 5 months ago and no one will pay us enough to cover the balance on the loan. I could go on and on but I am sure you have stopped reading already because, I know, what a downer. I am sorry. This is all I can think of all day and sometimes all night too. It is practically killing me. And I don't see a way out, I just don't know what else to do.

So, yes, woe is me. Hope your summer is going much, much better.