So I am fucked. My car is being picked up today but the repo people. My wages are being garnished. I haven't filed for bankruptcy yet. I wanna die. If it wasn't for my daughter I would drink myself to death or something like that (I don't drink.) I'll be 38 in July. Can I start over? Can I build my credit back up? Will I be able to go to law school when we are this broke and I am this broken? Now I'm reduced top begging for a bike. And even that plea is going unanswered. I wanna say God hates me but the truth is that I believe in "what goes around comes around" and I know that I have left many ends untied, if that makes sense. I am not a bad person, but I am a severely depressed person and so I've dropped the ball many times. And even when I do something unkind, like take a parking space I had my eye on before that little old lady can take it, I know that it will come back to bite me in the ass. Every time I've promised to call someone back, or I have told someone that yes, of course I mailed that document out to you, knowing full well I didn't, every time I've dug myself deeper into this well of despair and self pity. I need to be a better person but I don't know if I have the strength to do it.
3 comentarios:
I am so sorry, wishing I had more I could say or do. Thinking of you and sending bits from my own karma bank your way.
Hello -
I'm just a wanderer from the Interwebs, and I bumped into you from another site (Twitter via FriendFeed). I've been in almost your exact situation, with one thing after another just piling up, burying me... You will get through this. Even if you think you can't, you will. You have a little girl who will, in the way that children can, help you, and others as well. Not only will you get through, but you will do what you set out to do. It takes a bit of convincing (been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the picture with the giant clown), and recognizing that you take it one step at a time. You will get through this.
Chocolate doesn't hurt, either. :D
Wren
Amanda and Wren, thanks so much for stopping by! It makes a huge difference to hear an "I've been there" or two. thanks guys.
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