Truth

I need this space to be mine again. I need to speak truths that are mine and not be afraid of hurting my loved ones' feelings. I need to be able to say fuck and not be worried it may come back to haunt me ten years from now. I was going to start an anonymous blog but it just isn't my style. I have always put myself last, always protected others, always being the adult in every tough situation. But I am who I am. It is my turn now. My turn to share my true feelings, my true thoughts, my anger, my sadness and my happiness too (her name is Lucia) with people who will understand, people who won't judge, people who will cheer me on and cheer me up when I need it, and people who will tell me when I am out of line. So I invited a few people to share this space with me. I hope they will. And that's the truth.

Making a difference, every single day

This post was inspired by Corina, over at Down to Earth Mama who had the HP Magic Giveaway going, which is absolutely fantastic! Corina was generous enough to give her readers a way to enter and then even have a bonus entry. She says: "Write on a message board or your blog a post about how you have or plan to make the world a bit better. Have you volunteered? Are you planning to? The goal is to inspire those reading it to action." I know it's too late for me to enter but I think the idea of volunteering and doing good things for others is wonderful and I'm happy to have written this. Thanks Corina!

I like to think that I make a difference every day. I know that sounds less than modest, but please hear me out. I am talking about the choices I have made in my adult life in terms of how to pay the bills while staying somewhat sane. While in college in Chile, my first job was with EarthAction (the lady at the bottom is my mom!) in 1993. I translated and did the layout for their Action Alerts. Since the whole Latin-American office was just three of us, I also copied, folded and stuffed them into envelopes. It was good work. Here in San Francisco my first job was with the Rainforest Action Network (are you starting to see a theme here?); then with San Francisco School Volunteers for four years and now I work at a non-profit law firm specializing in employment law, coordinating direct free legal services to the public. The way I see it, it doesn't matter if you're answering phones, making copies, translating, training volunteers or coordinating schedules, it is all just as important in achieving a selfless goal: helping others.


Before you start thinking that I am implying that your job in a bank, at a magazine, or the post office is not as lofty or worthy, let me assure you that is not at all what I am saying. What I am saying is that I choose to work for non-profit organizations even though it pays very little money and that suits me just fine. True, I am always poor and scrambling to make ends meet, but I love what I do, I really do. I used to be a crisis phone counselor for San Francisco Women Against Rape but that was very difficult to keep up, when you signed up for a shift you had to be up at night to take phone calls, which was hard to do because we lived in a studio apartment at the time and we both worked regular hours. So I choose to work at places where we are all working for a cause bigger than ourselves. The attorneys I work with all make much less than what a first year associate makes at a big firm, and it's because of their personal beliefs, nothing more, nothing less. They all come from amazing law schools (Harvard, Boalt, Hastings, Stanford, etc.) and could work anywhere else they wanted to, and yet they stay here fighting the good fight for workers everywhere.


All non-profits rely on volunteers to do a slew of tasks that are just overwhelming when you have limited staff. Many people wrinkle their noses when you tell them all you have for them to do is filing, copying, or stuffing envelopes, as if it were beneath them. They don't realize how much they could really help by doing those tasks. Of course there are other things you can do to help, like teaching an adult how to read (usually through your local public library), translate outreach materials into another language if you are bilingual, or spending time with a youth or elderly person. The important thing to remember is that ALL OF IT HELPS, nothing is less important than anything else. Really. So, if you have time and are looking to help, choose a local not-for-profit organization and give them your time and skills. It will do a world of good!

Living inside my head

I have been gone for so long that a few people have asked me if I "abandoned" my blog. Yes. And no. I did stop writing for a little while because I did not want to be one of those people who is always complaining about their miserably little lives. Don't get me wrong, I know that many writers (yes, blogging is writing!) do very well processing their feelings about their situations in public (online) and actually get immense support from the web. I am simply not one of them. I get tired of the sound of my own voice because it is always there with me; I don't know how to stop thinking, obsessing about stuff, and for many years I couldn't even go to sleep because my mind was still "on." I still suffer from this attack of the "thought tsunami" at night but since my daughter was born I can pretty much fall asleep anywhere. Almost, anyway. The stuff I obsess about is typical: work, unpaid bills, not having money, am I a good mom?, I don't feel like a good mom, I am so fat!, but I really do love chocolate, will I get into law school?, will I be able to pull it off if I do?, and so on and so forth. It is absolutely exhausting and very stressful. And I hate it. I over-think everything and end up doing nothing.

Sometimes, when I couldn't fall asleep, I made up entire posts I thought were brilliant but I didn't actually write them down. I wish I had but the truth is I am my worst critic when I should be cheering myself on. So Sarah, of http://sarahandthegoonsquad.com/ suggested I post my tweets. I thought about it and it is a perfect way to bring you up to date. These are the things I have been thingking/worried/talking about. This is a perfect snapshot of the past two and a half months. I hope you enjoy them:

ListenUpMofos So my cat Louie decided to pee on my bed this morning. Now I have to throw away my Cal King mattress and sleep on the floor. Wonderful! 10:56 AM Aug 15th

Lots and lots of work to do, but of course I have to Twitter first, you know, because I have my priorities straight. Happy Friday Mofos! 9:30 AM Aug 22nd

Surprisingly, I'm not loving this Sunday at the office. 1:01 PM Aug 24th

I am not a citizen of this here country, just a green card holder. I can't vote. Will one of you please vote for Obama on my behalf? Thanks! 7:50 PM Aug 27th

and by "just a green card holder" I mean I work hard, pay my taxes and never break the law 7:51 PM Aug 27th

But when Obama wins, I'll become a US citizen. I just could not stomach the thought under W. He ruined this country and the world. 7:55 PM Aug 27th

Never take Lorazepam on an empty stomach unless you have time to sleep it off. Severely drugged at work = FAIL. That's me right now. 3:55 PM Aug 28th

I can't believe how bad things are at work right now. Everything is urgent and needs to be done right now. Not working for me at all. 11:26 AM Sep 2nd

McCain/Palin cannot win in November. Please! I am begging you, do not vote for them! I wish I could vote... 12:44 PM Sep 4th

Dear daughter of mine: WTF??? You go to sleep after 11 PM and wake up at 6 AM? I am exhausted and you are full of energy? Again, WTF??? 9:13 AM Sep 7th

Hi. It's Monday, I am tired and work until 8 PM tonight. Yay. Also, literally have NO money until Friday. Scary thought for a mom. 12:20 PM Sep 8th

I have all but abandoned my blog. But I have high hopes for myself, I can do it. I just need a 36 hour day, 24 hours just isn't cutting it! 1:22 PM Sep 8th

I am freaking the fuck out!!! Flying to So. California tomorrow at noon and haven't packed. Me alone with toddler on plane = horror movie! 5:51 PM Sep 12th

Reason everyone loves So cal: the heat. Reason I'll never move to So Cal: the heat. And my family. But moslty the heat. 8:47 PM Sep 15th

My aunt was so proud that my daughter was happy sitting on her lap. She was actually peeing on her! 10:04 AM Sep 16th

Feeling pretty sorry for myself and my family. Trying to snap out of it. 11:30 AM Sep 23rd

My friend used to be a self defined "bisexual lesbian", now she is a Born Again Christian. VERY DEPRESSING. Still love her though. 4:00 PM Sep 23rd

Just got yelled at by my boss because of screaming kids, NOT MINE, mind you, a client's. WTF??? YOU tell them to shut up. 7:35 PM Sep 29th

So I tell my mom it's the Jewish New Year and she says "Happy Hanukkah!" Oy! 3:02 PM Sep 30th

Tough choice: make the car payment or pay the sitter. Where's MY bailout, people!?! 4:24 PM Oct 17th

Living inside my head. 10:14 AM Oct 23rd

Woke up at 4 AM to baby covered in diarrhea. Got up, washed her, soothed her, gave her a bottle, went back to sleep. Yawn... 11:33 AM Oct 24th

Hello! Baby no longer has diarrhea. I know you were wondering so now you know. No need to thank me :) 10:08 AM Oct 28th

I hope that wasn't too boring. I signed up for National Blog Posting Month for November as a personal challenge. I know I can do it, question is will I.

THANK YOU ICLW!!!

I really should have been better prepared to welcome those of you coming to visit from ICLW. Also, I should have been leaving comments. I am so sorry! It just has been a very hard week at the House of Mofo and I truly couldn't find the peace of mind to do either. I have from today until Monday to make up for my lame assedness. But all of you who came and commented and told me to hang in there and that everything would get better, THANK YOU SO MUCH! It's amazing how the kindness of strangers (who will hopefully become cyber-friends) can do so much to boost one's spirits! And your own personal stories are just incredibly inspiring, full of courage and generosity. One of the best things about ICLW is to get to read blogs that are different from mine and those I usually read, to get perspective on the things in life that are keeping me down. So I wanted to give you all a little shout out here:

LisaS from Letters in My Soup, who has a fuzzy finned betta.

Star who didn't leave a way to get in touch with her.

Kate from Kicking You From the Inside who really, really loves baseball.

Shawna from His Eyes and My Nose, who is worrying very much right now and can use some encouraging words :)

Kymberli from I'm A Smart One who is not only smart, she's beautifull inside and out.

Michelle from Mommy Confessions who has the best tag line EVER!

Suzanne from That Cool Broad a truly cool, and very sweet, broad.

The lovely woman behind Stop the train, I Wanna Get Off whose starts have aligned.

Katie, the British lady at The View Fron the Hill, up which she often climbs.

Michelle, the coffee drinking mom at Gotcha, Baby!

And Carrie at Letting It Out! who is carrying twins due in just two months!!! **Now with correct link**

To all of you a huge THANKS for coming and don't be strangers please, I promise to be a better host! And if you haven't signed up for International Comment Leaving Week, do so for next month here.